1st Rain of May

Saturday May 07 9:30 pm,

I was still in the office at this late of night doing reports and updates on my monitoring form. I forgot to buy food for my dinner so i have to forcefully detached my butt-off on this plastic chair and buy food from the mall a few blocks away from our office. But the unexpected happen, heavy rain poured down from heaven creating a pool of stinky mixture of water and dirt.
The second typhoon for this year officially hit our place and I expect that due to the "La Niña" Phenomenon, typhoons for this year will pour large amount of fresh water  ready to take away crops from the field and lives of our dear countrymen.

Sunday May 08 7:30 am,

I had a good sleep last night, after a month of sleeping with scorching heat finally i had felt peaceful on cold air as i snore quietly. It's still raining, as strong winds and big drops of rain are visible as it strike the pavements of the ground. soon the substandard drainage system that our politician promised to repair will over flow, and once again it will turn our streets in to a channel of rivers and a playing event for those pesky kids shouting and running outside.

 I'm still in my room looking at the window  hoping that the rain would halt for a moment. I'll be going to the church to pray for my deliverance, but im still stuck in here waiting for that little moment of silence.

I love rain. When i was a kid, i used to smile whenever a typhoon with strong winds are comin and all i can see are floods everywhere. It only means that classes are suspended, more playing time and less studying.  For me, Rain is a symbol of reflection for each human out there who seek to reminisce their old happy life. Its the period of looking back and seeing ahead of your self while your sitting comfortably in your chair holding a cup of coffee while listening from the sweet music on the radio.

There was an old folk song that all of the kids knew. Although it was sung in our dialect, I'll try my best to translate it.

"If only the rain would be like chocolates
Oh how sweet is the Rain...
I will go out with my mwide open mouth !
Ah, haah haah hah haah hah haah hah ahhh,
Oh, how sweet is the Rain !


I used to believe in this wishful thinking, that someday, i wont be tasting this Tasteless water vapor instead i would be chewing sweet chocolates, covering my mouth with dark brown color of my make believe shower fantasy.

 Then after I finished eating those yummy thing i would grabbed a piece of paper folded it nicely until it would turn into a small boat of triangular shape. I dont know who taught me how to do it but it is definitely one of my happy memory as a child. Dripping wet from the downpour of the rain, running fully naked alongside with my friends( boys & girls) showering from the synthetic falls created from the downspout of our neighbor's roof and blowing at the top of our lungs as our paper boat would race from the gushing water out of the open canal.

 My body, though skinny at that time could withstand the cold breeze of the wind, my hair swaying as we danced and cheered for each other making huge and genuine laughter amidst this season where adults would remain sulky and grumpy.

 Monday May 09 6:00 am,

Still the weather is not good,  although the heavy rain were reduced to rain shower, still the presence of a dreaded storm remains a threat. I would be late for work this day if this rain would cause flood on my way to the office. I am wearing my favorite red jacket given to me by  someone who's close to my heart. I know that no matter how i love this season, many people would think the opposite. Just as i cannot please everybody or even within those whom i consider "dear" friends that I have failed numerous times.
They would hate me and think differently with all my actions and decisions in life, They would try to forget everything we shared, the funny and crazy sides of our friendship would be set aside just because of other people's reasoning, opinions and point of view that would make a harsh judging of my whole being. 

But i have accepted that though it hurts. Just as the weatherman have forecast the coming storm, I also knew somehow that it will all go this way. To them I am a scum, a hypocrite,  a shit-head with brains smaller than a snail.

 Tuesday May 10,  6:00 pm

I'm tired and i needed sleep. I was working more than 38 hours and i haven't  went home to rest. we should be wrapping up our works for a turn-over this day. Still the rain is visible outside. I remembered that today one of my friend will celebrate her special day.

There was a message on my social account from her, though I'm reading it with dizzy visions, I still managed to absorb her fury.

My friend convicted me as a liar. and that i had just used our friendship as a way to get what i want. And now the line of communication had been cut-off for both of us.

I knew what i have done to her was wrong, but never did i intend to use the friendship that we had as a means of fulfilling my urges. I don't know if her friends would understand that what I'm doing were only for her sake. Though my ways are like the ever changing water : unpredicted and messy, I knew that it would somehow turn out for the best for her account.
If all the things I've done would always be misunderstood, then so be it. I've been used to it ever since this curse started to affect my life. I just want her to be okay without me on her friends-list. Whatever we shared if being implanted on the minds of many would be "branded" as a work of an asshole.  but to me it was an act of expressing what i have felt for her amidst of this confusion and messed up life. I dont want to share my misfortune with her so i have to suppress this feeling i have for her, for i know that it is wrong and that the sword of the high and mighty would be directed on me. But forgive me, that time i have let my guard low, just for that one moment i hope i have let you know how much you mean to me alongside with the painful acceptance that i have to surrender and let you go on your own.

I'll pray for you even if they would reject the plea of a monster with huge horns or a wolf in a sheep clothing. i would still hope that you would be fine every time.

I've heard the news that there would be lots of rainy season coming up from the succeeding months. There's a bitter-sweet feelings in my smile. Maybe one of those rain will wash away all this mess in my life. Someday I hope a cleansing rain would clear her mind that i only long what's best for her despite the fact that my actions does not correspond with logic that most people have since the beginning of time.

Raindrops are still on the street, I guess I should walk barefooted as I go my own way, together with my beloved rain.

bleached

 Lenten Season

Thursday 

I tried fixing our bathroom door by plastering it with ready-mixed concrete but i made it worst than before. Now, there's a big peep hole under the door jamb and you can see a good view on whose dropping the bomb and whose not washing their hands after doing the deeds.

Friday 

I've had this great idea of washing my 2 shoes. My first pair is a rugged cloth type, while the other is a new sneakers.
So i set up for the soap, bleach & water and start washing the rugged one. It all went smooth until I've put my new sneakers on the water with bleach. I immediately notice how stupid I am. My dark brown sneakers turn slowly ( & surely ) into a rustic-orange color. I laughed at my foolishness and thinking how on earth could i possibly wear this now? Should i throw it away or continue to use it only on a fewer times?
Then a thought strikes me.Maybe my once perfect life and now obviously stained with this dark and lonely misfortune,  Needs a thorough washing. A very effective bleach that could melt all my agony away. I hope i could  turn my life back to where it once before.

Saturday

It has been 3 days since this year's Lenten season has begun, and so far I'm having my rest from stressful works, commitments, pressures and pesky contractors. While some are busy on proclaiming their faith and others enjoying their summer escapade, I'm stuck in this smelly house full of stinky poop and pee from our rogue cat.
No matter how many times I try to drove him away, he still finds his way to mess my whole day pooping everywhere.

Sunday.

Today is the last day of my "vacation" and I accomplished nothing. Maybe i should start "bleaching" my life and i guess i should try praying first. Somehow i hope that this "Season" of my life should end soon. and I pray that i could get there still in a piece

 

My shoes in Its former glory

Origami

Out of boredom at the office, i took a piece of paper and folded it into an airplane. The one that i used to do when i was still innocent of all this crappy things I've had. Then i started humming like the fighter plane engine and lift my creation in the air. I started to beat the altitude high and dive low as fast as my arms. It's as if I'm on the mission to exterminate the evil by dropping the bomb right in their core. I imagine how valiant this lone fighter, who have put his life down for the sake of freedom and peace.

I have made the assault swiftly and i was about to declared my mission "accomplished" when suddenly a "hit seeking missile come out of nowhere. My fuel is low, my eyes faltered and a couple of bullets are still in my ammo. I Lift my eyes to the clear blue sky, the sunshine gives me warmth, then i smile as i said "its a good day to die". I've made my vessel turn around and face the death, I'm not afraid anymore, my life will be remembered I shall live !. Then an enormous explosion happened as the stars witnessed the birth of a new hero.

That's how my childish story end. Well i think i over did it I just missed those days where all im thinking are the bunch of toys and gadgets that would make my mind busy at imagining stories of heroic deeds, of love and passion and of funny moments that would tickle my spine.

Maybe someday I could go back to those point of my life. Perhaps when  my son (if ever i got one...or two) grows old enough to share his dreams with me, then we could play along and create a world for both of us.

In real life, I was different from the protagonist I have made. I'm still afraid of many things, I'm a coward who run away before the battle begins and i choose to lurk in the dark and look at the clear light from above.

I know the day will come when i would boldy step into the light and see the bright future ahead of me. Then I guess folding papers into a plane or a boat or even a house will no longer matter to me. For if that day comes, This two hands that i'm raising up will build a city that my childhood stories are dreaming of.

P.S.

Just as i have finished my "childish playing" I've heard the news from Mr. USA that a certain terrorist was declared dead eight days ago through air strike on their camp.
coincidence? nah, i think not.

                                                        a horse and his boy

                                                                       fly... fly...fly

                                            row, row, row your boat...

                                              I really miss this moment  : (