Contagious Misfortune

"Misfortune is like a virus that destroy your inmost core. But just when you thought you can heal it, It will affect those whom you love most. Friends, families and loved ones taking greater damages from your emotional and mental capabilities.

At first i did not pay attention when one of my friend have been infected by these. I thought it was cure-able, that i could cheer her and tap her shoulder while comforting her as i say " relax, you still got me". But i was wrong.

Two weeks after the night we parted our ways, the first symptom occurs to her, she texted me that her mom was diagnosed of leukemia. I told her i would pray for her and her family. But after 3 hours I was also attacked by this "misfortune". My Aunt died and i grieved for her loss.
the next thing I knew i was sick and so is she. She's complaining of chest pain, while i was complaining how the heck my life become like this.
The only thing I got from her are this planner and the little cut-outs drawings made by her hands. But to some point I messed it up by treating it into my weirdest emo moments.She was angry and even cursed the days we spent together.
There are a lot of questions that was left unanswered, i guess I'd choose to remain like that.

But for you i will try to answer some of it

1. Yes, your friends are right I'm ugly inside and out, i do not deny it but it hurts specially when it comes from the person whom you appreciate most
2. I am so Naive that people called me the human callous but again I choose to be like that. I wear the mask of stupidity -  but i do care for you.
3. My life is a mess - that is why i dont want you to get involved because you do not deserve to be in the place where I'm standing now.
4. I choose not to communicate with you so that you wont feel blue whenever we talk about what's happening to our lives. But heaven knows that day and night i pray for you and your mom.
5. Thrice a week I am visiting the spot where we last sat down and talk over hearing the music that we once heard and laughed at. Watching the beautiful sunset asking for God to let me go back from that time when im with you.
6. I dont care if my grammar sucks our how lousy my "English language" are. What i care about is how i could reach my emotions to you thru unspoken words and silent prayers.
7. Just as what i told you, I felt the same thing for you but you know how my life was so *&cked up
8. And your right again, that being with me is a waste of time that figuratively i was not even qualified for a PBA spot and your standard requires for an NBA caliber. But my Mom knows that every night when  i got home i practiced a lot of shooting. An attempt of 200 shots per night hoping to get at least a good shot from the rim, while thinking of your condition.
10. That i wished i could have done more and shown you more how important you are to me. When the night i fetched you home, when i hold your hand and hugged you' i wish i'd never let you go. Even as you went upstairs and fade to the night, i wished i could run back to you and hold you just to say the words that i have let it go from my lips.

And now im still here in this mess while you were there and exploring your life. Yes all I want for you is happiness even i would sacrifice the things we shared just for the sake attaining that "happiness" of yours.


Go my dear friend, to the place where the sun shines the most and always remember that there's a man who sit on the edge of the earth, watching you as the sun sets to fade and darkness shall fall on his miserable life.

  - And he did not intend to share it with you. It only leaks out when the day he admitted to himself that he cared for you.


Im sorry