"Misfortune is like a virus that destroy your inmost core. But just when you thought you can heal it, It will affect those whom you love most. Friends, families and loved ones taking greater damages from your emotional and mental capabilities.
At first i did not pay attention when one of my friend have been infected by these. I thought it was cure-able, that i could cheer her and tap her shoulder while comforting her as i say " relax, you still got me". But i was wrong.
Two weeks after the night we parted our ways, the first symptom occurs to her, she texted me that her mom was diagnosed of leukemia. I told her i would pray for her and her family. But after 3 hours I was also attacked by this "misfortune". My Aunt died and i grieved for her loss.
the next thing I knew i was sick and so is she. She's complaining of chest pain, while i was complaining how the heck my life become like this.
The only thing I got from her are this planner and the little cut-outs drawings made by her hands. But to some point I messed it up by treating it into my weirdest emo moments.She was angry and even cursed the days we spent together.
There are a lot of questions that was left unanswered, i guess I'd choose to remain like that.
But for you i will try to answer some of it
1. Yes, your friends are right I'm ugly inside and out, i do not deny it but it hurts specially when it comes from the person whom you appreciate most
2. I am so Naive that people called me the human callous but again I choose to be like that. I wear the mask of stupidity - but i do care for you.
3. My life is a mess - that is why i dont want you to get involved because you do not deserve to be in the place where I'm standing now.
4. I choose not to communicate with you so that you wont feel blue whenever we talk about what's happening to our lives. But heaven knows that day and night i pray for you and your mom.
5. Thrice a week I am visiting the spot where we last sat down and talk over hearing the music that we once heard and laughed at. Watching the beautiful sunset asking for God to let me go back from that time when im with you.
6. I dont care if my grammar sucks our how lousy my "English language" are. What i care about is how i could reach my emotions to you thru unspoken words and silent prayers.
7. Just as what i told you, I felt the same thing for you but you know how my life was so *&cked up
8. And your right again, that being with me is a waste of time that figuratively i was not even qualified for a PBA spot and your standard requires for an NBA caliber. But my Mom knows that every night when i got home i practiced a lot of shooting. An attempt of 200 shots per night hoping to get at least a good shot from the rim, while thinking of your condition.
10. That i wished i could have done more and shown you more how important you are to me. When the night i fetched you home, when i hold your hand and hugged you' i wish i'd never let you go. Even as you went upstairs and fade to the night, i wished i could run back to you and hold you just to say the words that i have let it go from my lips.
And now im still here in this mess while you were there and exploring your life. Yes all I want for you is happiness even i would sacrifice the things we shared just for the sake attaining that "happiness" of yours.
Go my dear friend, to the place where the sun shines the most and always remember that there's a man who sit on the edge of the earth, watching you as the sun sets to fade and darkness shall fall on his miserable life.
- And he did not intend to share it with you. It only leaks out when the day he admitted to himself that he cared for you.
Im sorry
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
fireworks
Tonight i am watching another series of fireworks display. It has been four consecutive weeks that those noisy shows are bothering my peaceful and melancholic work.Every time it begun people from my office dropped their things look at the window or find some perfect view for them to bear witness the flickering lights above the sky.
As i watched my childish friends shouting and laughing on the stupidity of fireworks display, I have been thinking what are the good things they gave to everyone of us. I mean its just a waste of time stopping from your usual routines just to look up in the sky. or even waste of money for buying expensive explosives that would blow away even your treasured riches. Then after the laughter and cheering fades away they got back to their usual self as if nothing really happened, so what's the point of doing those idiotic activities if after the show no one bothers to remember what you did.
Well for superstition and religious belief , they say it drives away negative vibes for the rest of the year for you to be lucky. (not applicaple to me )
I also really cant comprehend why couples and sweethearts seated on grass mosses hugging and kissing while the non stop event take place. are they hoping that their self proclaimed love for each other would last forever? To me their feelings will end faster than this moment of firecracker's final show.
Families tried to have some picnic settings while watching the show, eating sandwiches and drinking beer are the usual menu for this, little children even make a wish when the have seen the explosion of colorful lights in the air.
After seeing those little imps close their eyes and make a wish for themselves i suddenly remember something from my past to where i was just like that child who believes in a "brighter" future and wishing all my desires would come true. I remember the time when i used to be excited to see the fireworks on new years eve and i would jump as high as i could shouting giggling and wishing that this year would go in my favor.Back from the days when those fireworks that light up the sky, even after for a while we have witness a glimpse of hope, a chance of faith and looking towards the future with determination on whatever it brings to us , we can still rise up anew.
Well i guess there's no harm in joining those bird brains who are enjoying these event. How I wish I could see my dear enemies, my rivals, my boss, my noisy neighbors and those who look down on me all tied up each on every firecrackers. As one by one they will all fly into the heavens upon ignition and in a matter of seconds their inmost being will blend on the sparkling and colorful lights that fireworks would give us. That ladies and gentlemen is what i called satisfaction.
Now I am enjoying the show, with each and every fire ammunition that light up the sky would commemorate every person i detest.
It really put a big smile, cheers and around of applause from me.
my noisy neighbors
and they all vanished without a trace
There goes my boss in his true color
As i watched my childish friends shouting and laughing on the stupidity of fireworks display, I have been thinking what are the good things they gave to everyone of us. I mean its just a waste of time stopping from your usual routines just to look up in the sky. or even waste of money for buying expensive explosives that would blow away even your treasured riches. Then after the laughter and cheering fades away they got back to their usual self as if nothing really happened, so what's the point of doing those idiotic activities if after the show no one bothers to remember what you did.
Well for superstition and religious belief , they say it drives away negative vibes for the rest of the year for you to be lucky. (not applicaple to me )
I also really cant comprehend why couples and sweethearts seated on grass mosses hugging and kissing while the non stop event take place. are they hoping that their self proclaimed love for each other would last forever? To me their feelings will end faster than this moment of firecracker's final show.
Families tried to have some picnic settings while watching the show, eating sandwiches and drinking beer are the usual menu for this, little children even make a wish when the have seen the explosion of colorful lights in the air.
After seeing those little imps close their eyes and make a wish for themselves i suddenly remember something from my past to where i was just like that child who believes in a "brighter" future and wishing all my desires would come true. I remember the time when i used to be excited to see the fireworks on new years eve and i would jump as high as i could shouting giggling and wishing that this year would go in my favor.Back from the days when those fireworks that light up the sky, even after for a while we have witness a glimpse of hope, a chance of faith and looking towards the future with determination on whatever it brings to us , we can still rise up anew.
Well i guess there's no harm in joining those bird brains who are enjoying these event. How I wish I could see my dear enemies, my rivals, my boss, my noisy neighbors and those who look down on me all tied up each on every firecrackers. As one by one they will all fly into the heavens upon ignition and in a matter of seconds their inmost being will blend on the sparkling and colorful lights that fireworks would give us. That ladies and gentlemen is what i called satisfaction.
Now I am enjoying the show, with each and every fire ammunition that light up the sky would commemorate every person i detest.
It really put a big smile, cheers and around of applause from me.
whoa ! im loving it !
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