Just when i made up my mind that i would move my lazy feet forward and start anew, and just as I'm starting to pick up the broken pieces of my life that i myself willingly messed it up, then why do words not intended for me would hit me hard enough for me to get into the mud again..
Days are numbered, and I'm still in this mess. I've made a promise that I'll be better but i guess it might not happen. I'm still a failure and nothing changed. For once, i thought i could make a difference but I'm still stuck on this place where I've been chained all through out my body, including my emotion.
Don't know what to do if you'll come back for me. should i tell you the truth that I've disappoint you or should i tell you the other way around. Honestly, I'm ready for the worst case scenario for that day. But why does it hurt so much even if you dont know that you're throwing dagger after dagger that was not meant for me yet find its way to pierce and torture my inmost core.
Were those treasured days didn't mean anything to you? Night after night i've been rehearsing my lines, memorizing the patterned script that one day i could sum up my courage to say to you. But now i believe it is all meaningless. Will you even bother hearing my plea? will you accept my decision? will you still see the sun rising the way we both perceived it to be like our promises to keep?
Am i just expecting too much from you, or am i fooling myself from the truth. either way, I still hope that everything would turn out to be for the good of those people involved, even if it means that we would be hurting the persons whom we cared most.
The only way for this things to prevent from happening is for me to get better . Better than the last time you knew me and better than the one you expect me to be. But how can i do it? there's so many things to do in such a small time. I have wasted a lot of days only to shake my senses which i dont know if it did anything good for me.
Im back to square one, and I've been here for quite too long.
Maybe i belong in here.
Or maybe not.
Wait ! wait ! wait !
my apology for the wrong mtv upload...This should be the appropriate video for this blog....
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